August 21, 2017

Blog: Chris Carter – Remember the days of the old school yard?

What have you got to smile about Chris?

Well he was the Minister of Education when Principal Helen was in charge, and there have been a lot of games of chase, bull rush, passing notes in class, suspensions, missing lunch money, general playground bitchiness and probably some canings behind closed doors over the last few weeks.

So I am thinking Cat Steven’s – Remember the days of the old school yard. I am thinking Chris Carter giving it a slower more mournful rendition as he looks back to the golden years of life under Helen’s patronage when he was in the front row looking down at the lesser mortals. Now that shadow hugging butt kisser Goff is in charge and Chris doesn’t like taking orders from what he considers a lower life form.

Take it away Chris (Chris is hugging a framed photo of The Dear Leader who has been promoted to bureaucratic heaven at the United Nations)

“Remember the days of the old school yard
we used to laugh a lot.
Oh don’t you remember the days of the old school yard.
When we were in government and we had all kinds of trips
And we laughed and topped the polls
Yes I do, oh and I remember you.”

Remember the days of the old school yard
Don Brash would cry a lot.
Oh don’t you remember the days of the old school yard.
When we had 5 star hotels and we had 1st class on planes
And we laughed at the auditors
Yes I do, oh and I remember you.

You were my sweet love (Helen is singing now in Chris’s imagination)
My first sweet love (Chris)
My lovey dove (Helen)
My love lovey dove (Chris)
No matter what? (Helen)
What ever the place (Chris)
I’d still see your face (Helen)
Your smiling face (Chris)

BANG – the cell door opens and a serious warder enters followed by an earnest looking priest.

“Ok Chris – it is time now” says the warder. “We don’t want any trouble do we? Just accept it there is no last minute call from the Governor Generals Office for Republicans like you.”

“Can…can I take Helen with me”? asks Chris gripping the picture frame tightly.

“You know the rules – no accessories in the chair. Come on now time to walk the green mile.”

“Oh and I don’t want to alarm you at all but when you are in the chair  – you know sparking away – and you think that this is taking a bit too long, well it is longer than usual. That is because President Goff has asked for reduced voltage to as he put it ‘make the thrill last longer’. That is thrill for him you understand. Apparently he is filming the whole thing for some weird reason.

I hate it when politicians interfere with the smooth running of a government department.”