July 19, 2019

Medvedev wants to reward big families

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev trying to look 'presidential' in front of the Russian flag. Not really working is it?

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has promoted the idea of rewarding larger families as a way of building up Russia’s declining birth rate.

In his annual speech to the nation Medvedev also talked about Russia being part of the European missile defence system otherwise a new arms race might start. No one in Russia is that bothered about missile defence systems but they are into free stuff paid for by the state.

Following the dramatic decline in Russia birth rates in the 1990’s Medvedev sees it as his sacred duty to encourage baby production. It probably won’t mean a return to dishing out medals for having lots of babies like they did in Stalin’s time, but he is advocating more useful rewards.

Using his infinite wisdom that only a great leader can possess, Medvedev announced that “A good way to get over the demographic crisis is to radically increase the number of families with three or more children”. Unfortunately he didn’t work this out by himself though and took the advice of “experts”.

As a result of these words of wisdom, Russian family factories have ramped up production of the three and four child family models.

We know the President is hard up for things to scare people with when a lack of babies is being talked up as “a serious threat” and a “challenge to our whole nation”.

He proposed awarding a plot of land for building a house to each family on the birth of their third child. There was not much detail on exactly where this plot of land will be. Newswarped suspects it is the wrong side of the Arctic Circle and at least 700 kilometres to the nearest town.

This of course is part of the cunning plan, because parents living in the middle of nowhere have little to entertain themselves with except having more children.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was in the audience, probably thinking about what colour to paint his presidential offices in two years time when he takes the top spot back from caretaker Medvedev.

Newswarped can confirm there is no truth to the rumour that the government ministry for families has been inundated with volunteers wanting to have three or four children with Anna Chapman.