June 25, 2019

Neanderthals cooked and ate vegetables

Mick Jagger after an accident with the red hair dye? No it is extinct Neanderthal man.

Neanderthals cooked and ate vegetables. That is the shocking conclusion of researchers from the George Washington University and The Smithsonian Institute.

It has long been thought that the Neanderthals were only meat eaters and may have become extinct due to dietary deficiencies.

We humans in the western world have long since given up on vegetables and been content to consume processed meat based muck. Which will lead to us becoming extinct due to dietary deficiencies.

Researchers found that those cunning Neanderthals cooked and ate vegetables, challenging an earlier theory that the early humans were carnivorous. Starch granules from plant grains have been found in their teeth.

The shocking veggie revelation comes hot on the heals of the theory that the Neanderthals were probably red heads and might have been smarter than previously portrayed.

“Neanderthals are often portrayed as very backwards or primitive,” said Amanda Henry, lead researcher and a post-doctoral researcher at the university.

“Now we are beginning to understand that they had some quite advanced technologies and behaviors.”

“Neanderthals and early humans did not visit the dentist,” said Dr. Allison Brooks, one of the researchers on the project (this is the kind of startling insight one gets from having a doctorate). “Therefore, the calculus or tartar remained on their teeth, preserving tiny clues to the previously unknown plant portion of their diets.”

I guess this means that researchers of the future are going to be shit out of luck looking at teeth from our era, because thanks to the toothpaste marketing guru’s, all that valuable tartar has been brushed away.

Are these clever researchers going to get to the point of deciding that the Neanderthals were in fact human after all. When we look at the scientific recreations of Neanderthals they remind us of people we have met or seen. So believing they are extinct is a bit of a stretch for us mere mortals in the first place.

But then again a simpleton like me questioning the great scientific minds of the Smithsonian Institute is likely to see me labelled a Neanderthal. For me that is not such a bad thing.

If Neanderthals were smart enough to see the merits in eating vegetables as a core part of their diet then I am comfortable with being counted among their number. But they are extinct aren’t they say the researchers? And so will we be if the only vegetables our kids eat are hash browns and fries.


  1. Some scientist now believe that the Neandethals inter brebred, so I guess they’re actually still around (sort of)