September 23, 2019

Sweden bomb attack could have been ‘catastrophic’

Swedish police unaccustomed to terror attacks wonder what to do next.

Yesterdays bomb blasts in Stockholms shopping district have left quiet Sweden in a state of shock.

A car exploded as busy Christmas shoppers crowded the streets and a few minutes later another blast went off.

Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt said today the attack was “unacceptable”. Carl Bildt, Sweden’s Foreign Minister, said it “could have been truly catastrophic.” Now that the politicians have enlightened us with their wisdom it is time for newswarped to tell it like it is.

Sweden was attacked yesterday by the worlds dumbest bomber. He succeeded in blowing up a car and injuring two bystanders. His next stunning achievement was to blow himself up.

The advantage of being a dumb bomber is that if you blow yourself up like our chap in Sweden, then you automatically become a suicide bomber. Not sure if he will end up with the full quota of virgins in paradise though because no infidels got killed.

Anyone who decides that attacking a peaceful country like Sweden is a good idea deserves to be a victim of their own pipe bomb.

Apparently he sent warning emails prior to the blasts (it would have been hard for him to send them after the blasts). The emails described Lars Vilks, a Swedish artist who in 2007 drew a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed, as a “pig” and urged all Muslims living in Sweden to “stop sucking up and degrading yourselves”. He said “Now is the time to attack. Do not wait any longer. Come forth with whatever you have even if it is a knife.”

If he had taken his own advice about the knife then he might have raised the body count above nil. As it stands all he has manged to achieve is to frighten some shoppers and boost the budget for Sweden’s counter terrorism agency.