October 15, 2018

Saudi King announces new benefits for citizens

King Abdullah gets a steadying hand from his personal valet.

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah has returned home after months of medical treatment abroad and immediately announced a flurry of increased benefits for Saudi citizens.

King Abdullah has stepped off the plane and sniffed the air of change. Wisely he has decided that it might just be an opportune time to share a small fraction of his enormous wealth with his subjects.

Of course this is totally driven by his overwhelming paternalistic desire for the welfare of his people.

Any suggestion that he thinks a little lolly scramble for his people will stave off a possible wave of protests at home is purely mischevious.

King Abdullah is putting extra funds into housing, studying abroad and social welfare, according to a clearly enthusiastic, state television.

The 86 year old monarch spent two months in the United States of America at a New York hospital where he had spinal surgery. He has spent the last month resting in Morocco.

Hundreds of men in white robes performed a traditional sword dance at Riyadh airport and dozens of princes gathered to greet the king on his arrival. Even King Hamad bin Isa of Bahrain took a break from clingin to power and showed up to welcome King Abdullah home.

It is unclear if ex-Tunisia president Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali who had fled to Saudi Arabia, was at the airport to greet the king or not.

The King’s advisors have been doing their homework and seen that the protests are mainly driven by pissed off young people who are tired of being told what to do by rich old people.

With youth unemployment in Saudi Arabia running at 40% the authorities have made a point of saying they will be looking at job creation and help for the unemployed.

Newswarped does not think that ‘protester’ will be on the list of occupations they are trying to get young people to work in.

Saudi Arabia is the big Kahuna of Middle Eastern states. If it falls the whole political landscape in the region will have changed forever. While it’s monarchy remains intact, it can offer encouragement and support to other states who are experiencing unrest.

The Arab News newspaper in Saudi Arabia trumpeted “The king is the only pillar of stability in the region now.” Well Newswarped thinks that with such major back surgery and verging on 90, that the King is an unlikely candidate for a ‘stable pillar’.