November 24, 2017

Stephen Harper pays surprise visit to Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan

Stephen Harper among hundreds of adoring fans who were 'ordered' to attend.

Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper has paid a surprise visit to Canadian soldiers stationed in Kanadahar, Afghanistan on Monday.

It seems to be the way of world leaders visiting Afghanistan, that they have to turn up unannounced to prevent any cunning Taliban plots to assassinate them.

Stephen Harper took a chance though. The Canadian soldiers are very vigilant and don’t like to be surprised. They could just as easily have shot the newly elected Prime Minister.

Once the soldiers had flipped the safety catches on, Mr Harper told them that their efforts have ensured the “Islamist terror” generated in Afghanistan “no longer represents a geo-strategic threat to the world — it is no longer a source of global terrorism.”

Newswarped is guessing that the soldiers had to get the dictionary out to understand that phrase – we certainly did.

Wisely deciding to carry on speaking, but in simpler terms, Mr Harper said “We have to look at this mission as a great success, remembering that we did this in the most difficult province.”

The Canadian troops are pulling out in a few weeks time to be replaced by an American Brigade (and probably a few hundred Taliban).

Prime Minister Harper gave his speech to around 500 soldiers gathered for a BBQ. They must have known that something was up when they got the offer of a flash lunch and the officers put up a giant Canadian flag.

Earlier Mr Harper was also taken by Canadian Chinook helicopter to a forward operating base in Panjwaii, which as recently as last summer was being mortared regularly by the Taliban, but was now quite peaceful.

General Walter Natynczyk, who acted as tour guide for the Prime Minister took him up to a lookout above Sperwan Gar, and showed him a $10 million road the Canadian military built into the Horn of Panjwaii.

Mr Harper commented to General Natynczyk that he saw fewer opium poppy fields than on his previous visits. Yeah thats because we smoked the lot Prime Minister (just kidding).

The Prime Minister also visited Tarnak Farms, which al-Qaeda once used as a terrorist training centre. Mr Harper had better be careful when he visits the United States next. He might get locked up in Guantanamo Bay for having trips abroad to Afghanistan and being photgraphed at a ‘known’ al-Qaeda training base. Don’t expect a trial anytime soon Stephen.

Comments

  1. dianne haist says:

    Stephen Harper took a chance though. The Canadian soldiers are very vigilant and don’t like to be surprised. They could just as easily have shot the newly elected Prime Minister.

    Reminds me of another joke when PM Diefenbaker was flying over Saskatchewan, his home province he said why don’t I throw down a buck and make some farmer happy. Another suggested a handful of dollars to make more happy. Then another said why not jump and make everyone happy!