August 22, 2019

Julia Gillard tumbles in India

Did you get that guys or do you want me to do another take?

Did anyone even know that Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard was in India? Well now the whole world knows thanks to a cunning piece of athleticism on camera. It was just another day in India. Honour guard soldier returning home. Mrs Honour Guard soldier:  “did you have a nice day dear”? Mr Honour Guard soldier: “Yes my darling wife. We went on parade and some white woman with weird hair looked us over and then she went away. I might be wrong but I think she was just a nobody tourist, but she was doing her best to look presidential.” Mrs Honour Guard Soldier: “That’s nice dear”.

So anyway, there was Julia suffering – as all leaders of minor player countries do – from small fish in big pond syndrome. Plan A of acting like the leader of a major power had failed, so when she knew the cameras were close she pulled an ‘Abbott out of hat’ and put Plan B into action. Channeling three grand masters of the instant horizontal Julia went for it and hit the dirt. The identity of the three grand masters? I should not have to explain but I will.

1. The Pope – world renowned mega-kisser of the dirt when visiting foreign shores.

2. Any Argentinian footballer – nobody does it better hitting the deck in the penalty area at short notice than the Argies.

3. The Aussie Party yob – Tanked up to the eyeballs and struggling to stay on their feet the traditional Aussie party yob has decades of success in faceplanting in weird places.

Better stop here. I am talking about all these other people and not Julia. This is her big moment on the world stage. Gotta say Julia you nailed it like a true professional. Don’t see how you could have done any better except if you released a blood pack under your blouse when you fell over and called it an assassination attempt. What’s that? Oh that was Plan C. Sweet. Knew you would have it covered.