Did anyone even know that Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard was in India? Well now the whole world knows thanks to a cunning piece of athleticism on camera. It was just another day in India. Honour guard soldier returning home. Mrs Honour Guard soldier: ”did you have a nice day dear”? Mr Honour Guard soldier: “Yes my darling wife. We went on parade and some white woman with weird hair looked us over and then she went away. I might be wrong but I think she was just a nobody tourist, but she was doing her best to look presidential.” Mrs Honour Guard Soldier: “That’s nice dear”.
So anyway, there was Julia suffering – as all leaders of minor player countries do – from small fish in big pond syndrome. Plan A of acting like the leader of a major power had failed, so when she knew the cameras were close she pulled an ‘Abbott out of hat’ and put Plan B into action. Channeling three grand masters of the instant horizontal Julia went for it and hit the dirt. The identity of the three grand masters? I should not have to explain but I will.
1. The Pope – world renowned mega-kisser of the dirt when visiting foreign shores.
2. Any Argentinian footballer – nobody does it better hitting the deck in the penalty area at short notice than the Argies.
3. The Aussie Party yob – Tanked up to the eyeballs and struggling to stay on their feet the traditional Aussie party yob has decades of success in faceplanting in weird places.
Better stop here. I am talking about all these other people and not Julia. This is her big moment on the world stage. Gotta say Julia you nailed it like a true professional. Don’t see how you could have done any better except if you released a blood pack under your blouse when you fell over and called it an assassination attempt. What’s that? Oh that was Plan C. Sweet. Knew you would have it covered.