December 12, 2017

King Richard III Remains Identified

A before and after photo of Richard. Nice smile but showing his age.

A before and after photo of Richard. Nice smile but showing his age.

A skeleton with a bashed in skull and a curved spine has been identified by scientists as the remains of English King Richard III. This brings to an end one of the longest running missing persons cases in English History. The news that Richard is dead was expected by his relatives after 528 years but it has still come as a shock. “We still hoped he was living with Elvis in Arizona” a Plantagenet family spokesperson said in a statement.

The body was found under a carpark in Leicester and DNA from family members was matched to the remains. Richard had not been seen since a big night out in Leicester in 1485 went wrong and finished up with an argument involving knives. This is not the first time that someone has been knifed in a carpark in Leicester and it probably won’t be the last.

Valuable time was lost in the search for Richard because we had to wait several hundred years for lamppost to be invented to stick the missing person posters on.

Richard himself was implicated in another missing person mystery involving his two young nephews one of whom was king Edward the V at the time of his disappearance. Nothing was ever proven however.